i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
