The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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