ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
