Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
