This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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