remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
