You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
