One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
