so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
