oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
