I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
