So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a beard to bite.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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