how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
