I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just cut my nipple shaving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
