Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's like iHOP with fire
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
