Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
