I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
