the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
