you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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