I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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