My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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