Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
