She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
