; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so that wasnt chicken after all
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
