Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
