I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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