i barfeds in our rink
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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