anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
