I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
