Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
