I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
