If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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