Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
