when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
