u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
