You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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