he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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