He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
