yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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