saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
