do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
