I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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