1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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