I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
