Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
