I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
