Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
