I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
