sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
