How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
