forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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